transformation = death = surrender :::

Let’s talk about death. Transformation.  you want to shed some layers and you aren’t quite sure how to do it. You see the snake and how it lets go, pushing off all that skin, transformed, renewed. this process is called following biology, this process is called surrender. 

Even in asking “what must I do to transform”, you are asking as though you have something to orchestrate. But you don’t. Transformation is not a process that you get to control. You push the button that says “I am willing to surrender to becoming that which is encoded inside of me" and then you let yourself be pulled into the shape it is now time to become. 

You don’t get to direct this process. Yes, your will and your desires are important to use and to recognize, and are indications of where your soul and spirit need and want to grow. You can write all of these wishes onto the cosmic order form, but at the end of the day you are not the one who is pulling the strings. You can’t ask for transformation and then try to manage it your self.

This process is inherently rooted in the energy of death. and death is the energy of ultimate surrender.

You say “spirit. God. Gods. I am ready." You can lay your body down for the buzzards to eat, for the earth to take in compost, trusting that these workers – the ones that we associate with the shadows, the ones who scare us-- have a job to do. That job is to collaborate with you in your transformation.

You are here on this earth to learn about surrender. All other lessons are contained inside of this. Surrendering to your true nature. Surrendering to your transformation. The process is messy. Saying "I am going to allow that which is inside of me - that which constructs the fabric of my soul - to be manifested here". And knowing that inside of the surrender there is an inherent a lack of control.   

What is required and asked of you is your willingness to be made. your willingness to be the truth of who you are. 

a love note from cedar ::: TRANSMISSION TUESDAY

Feel these fronds falling over your skin and the feet, brushing you down with love and comfort. We want for you to give it to us – your troubles. we see what you carry. The weight on your shoulders and back, with compassion, we can feel it too. how you carry it and how you feel like a mule or an ox, saying "i can’t let it go, i can’t give one inch or one ounce — it is my burden."

we say that it is everyone’s burden. you think that just because you created this problem that we will not collaborate with you to solve it? no. you need us. you need our perspective and guidance because you are lost in the near-sightedness of the brief timeline of your lives and your perspective. 

nature — these trees, this soil — we have a different pace. its not the manufactured synthesis of car horns and concrete, but something truer. let yourself breathe it in. take a moment away from your nerves being a bundle of vigilance. not that this is fake or wrong, but there are other realities to consider and to dwell in. and you need our medicine. on your toes and the small arches of your feet, on your hands and the crown of your head. let me touch you here. this is not hyperbolic. sit with me. let me tell you a story:

a long time ago, there were no people here. we were birds and animals, forest and worms. we remember. just like you, the seeds passed on from our forebears contain all the memories of those times. we remember. the earth without you. and we know the earth with you. we don’t wish you gone or think you are a terrible scourge. we only wish for you to accept our love and in doing so to awaken to what it can be like to actually be here.

let each tiny growth and frond of my bough touch your sorrow and disconnection. let us pull you back down into this earth body. breathe in this pungent smell in your nose and know that it is here for you.

when you breathe in with me, you will find that a different kind of wisdom takes root inside of your body, a new perspective. a perspective that you need.

what is your urgency? can you still take clear and decisive action from a place of calm? yes. you can. you can let yourself be helped and loved through it.

when you do

let these boughs penetrate your physical barriers, reach into your shoulders and down your back, you’ll see that we will pull out that noise to leave you with a kernel of what’s true. and that will reach down to the earth, planted, in a seed, watered, nourished. let us help you. filter it from you. hold you. we are here. 

listen ::: TRANSMISSION✶TUESDAY

let this message fall on your ears

like soft little petals tickling you

dancing in the sun and wind

twinkling in the light, fierce clusters of power and bitterness and pleasure

let this message of ease and love and support

tickle the insides of your brain

let these sunlit kisses

open your eyes and head and heart

strong herbal odor that beckons and demands:

wake up!

there is deep magic in the life all around you

each of us plants contains abundant mystery

tight and loaded up inside of our buds

waiting to burst forth.

look deep

and then look deeper

and then look deeper again.

that’s right, into the very heart of you. the very heart of your stuff, your spirit magic core. 

with power, we, too live in this place.

the world is alive

the world and all of the spirits of every plant and rock of the world are all talking to each other 

creating a current, a web

weaving, holding this together.

press your crown to us 

and listen.

yes we are here to help but also here to let the magic burst forth

what is deep inside of you is also deep inside of us

you call things mundane but there is nothing mundane about the world

even the flowers that grow by the side of the road are filled with infinities 

and if you listened fully to all of their wisdom you would have no more questions about the world, you would understand everything.

our power and spirits are deep

we exist alongside of and among you as equals to you in spirit

rejoice! this world is not as boring as you think it is. if you feel trapped in the routine — 

witness us

and listen

we have so much to say

like a parent you’re annoyed with but then you realize the depth of their wisdom and experience

you may roll your eyes when we tell you that magic

— as in the depths, as in the great mystery, The Thing You Desire Most and You Cannot Speak, What you Want to Know— 

is right here. at your fingertips. whispering. present. waiting for you. not longing for you, but waiting. patiently. listen now. shut up and listen ❤️ 

<<said the aster, lovingly and playfully>> 

digest :::: TRANSMISSION✶TUESDAY

digest. let it become part of you. give yourself space to let it land and integrate, and to move through your body.

otherwise — it’s just information, a fact that stays in your head. it does you more good to let it digest, to let your body break it down and receive it. so you can do different / be different / be integrated.

meditate. take time away from your screen. journal. put attention to feeling it in a different way. let yourself incorporate instead of constantly taking in.

what would happen if we ate all the time without breaks? we wouldn’t receive any nutrients. we wouldn’t be able to process any food because our systems would be totally overloaded. but that is how sometimes we take in information when we get glued to our screens.

if we really want to HONOR that information we are taking in, we need to give it time to work its way through.

this is not a practice of bypass or avoidance. you have to give yourself time to do this as an integral step toward your action, be it relational, political. so you can do your work from the place that is centered, grounded, that is YOU. whatever your feelings are, there they are. the way forward is through those. always. even if they are ugly or uncomfortable. and if you don’t give yourself space away from the intake of information, you aren’t going to be able to discover them.

rest. digest. let yourself take in the information. notice what comes up. let yourself be uncomfortable, changed, held. give yourself space to integrate. this is an important part of any work that you do in this world. digest.

.

may you be able to take space in your day, even if it is just a few minutes, to digest. it also feels very important to note that being able to take breaks to digest before taking action is a privilege that some folks do not have, so please keep this in mind with this message ❤️ 

.

also  a reminder that i have a BIG SALE happening right now to fund my move to my new practice space! schedule and pay for a fall reading before 9/1 and use discount code EXPANSIONSALE for $$$ off!! badass art by @szzczz on instagram <3 

breathe and surrender to your destiny, which is to heal, always ::: TRANSMISSION✶TUESDAY

grow rooted, begin where you are

let your breath be a love song to what brought you here.

let your roots, as they extend into the earth, be a reverence for all of the molecules that made you and the experiences that formed you.

as you root down into the earth, let all of you exist.

and as you unfurl, as you let yourself uncurl from the tension of protecting, you allow your system of roots which are a mirror of exactly where you’ve been in your life to hook into the earth, and you unlock your experiences.

when you hold the seeds of shame and secrets inside of your body, you cannot let them fulfill their destinies, which is to root into the ground and to find their source, to heal from that place.

breathe and let your beauty find resonance and recognition in the earth below. 

let your shame or sadness be seen by the ground and grow towards your inevitable wholeness. your roots spread into the soil, each tendril a seeker of nourishment, each belief, experience, each love, each heartache seeks being and resolution here. 

the earth is ready to hold you, the earth is ready to grow you, to filter and process all of what you’re holding, to squeeze with pressure on all sides, to push up into the physical waking world what needs to be seen, born and healed.

when you take a deep breath. and you allow all of it — the contradictions, your joys, your shame  — to exist, you allow the earth to see, to receive and to sing back to you. you give permission to the sprout of each breath that you release to surrender to its destiny, which is to heal, always.

you start with a love song to yourself, to everyone and everywhere that you have been, and let yourself grown from here.

don’t try to change your experience and your past. the only way forward is by letting it go into the ground and moving forward from there, exactly where you are. the reverence for your resilience, for your willingness, for the love that you have in your heart for yourself and for the world. that you are willing to do this work of being, of accepting, of existing, of growing, of trying. here you are, you are loved. you are seen. you are received and exalted. let go and let yourself grow.

your fruits gained from this work will be a beckoning, a mirror, to everyone who wants to do the same. no growth is selfish. no true introspection that causes a change and the bearing of fruit is wasted. you are always showing yourself to the world. and if you are willing to teach, to extend your hand in this dance, this invitation that your fruit and your flowers will inevitably bear, it is enough.

and you know that flowers cross-pollenate. so even if you are just being in the existence of your lessons, the culmination of what you have learned. the flowers open and the breeze picks up, the wind will take the seeds of your lessons and touch on the ears, eyes, breasts, chest, the receptors of somebody else who needs to hear what you have learned. this process is important and vital. and even as you feel that there is no time, you must make time for it. no growth is selfish.

what does it actually mean to be in collaboration with our environment? //TRANSMISSION✶TUESDAY

Transmission Tuesday is a weekly feature in which i ask spirit guides  energies that I work with what people reading need to hear for healing our collective ❤️here is what i heard this week for our collective:::

 

prelude:
early humans grew and traveled,
in those travels you made and became, used your arms to climb trees, to make tools, and fashion things out of the earth.
your hands made love, made art, made structures from the clay that you sought to live inside of.
simple.
and the early hominids walked with their families, arm in arm, on the earth. not so different from others animals.
and you continued walking, and spread like curious creatures do, crossing land bridges, over time became creatures with less hair, more heart, knowing how to survive the winter, hardened by seasons and families and conflict, changed and grew. walked into different parts of the earth
evolved different things, ability to work with the earth, ability to work with animals. ability to tame them. 


that point in your human evolution of taming animals, it is significant. there is a thing that happens with power, when you take it over something or someone. what it makes you believe about yourself. when you tamed the horse, you, instead of seeing yourself as just different, began to see yourself as master. 

and that shift was a crucial shift because, as humans began to see themselves as masters of horses and masters of animals and masters of this land, you saw yourselves as gods. and this is actually what took away from your godliness.

and men saw themselves as not only taming the animals, but women, too. and what became of that was a false belief that said “if i can tame this being, if i can use my intelligence, my will, my force, to make this animal, this horse, this person, do what i want, then i am superior to them. they are subservient to me”. 

even though horses have never truly been subservient. they have always known if they have been enslaved, like all beings do.

just because you have the intelligence and ability to do something, that does not indicate your superiority. it is actually your responsibility to utilize your ability for compassion and discernment in managing that intelligence.

to say, 'i can see that in my intelligence and physical strength i have the ability to control others'. and instead of letting that ability cause you to believe in your own superiority without question, let it instead ask you to be careful and to be cautious. 

and to consider to yourself:  ‘an elephant could trample me because it is larger, but the elephant does not believe that because they can trample others that they are superior to them’. in fact, elephants do not believe this at all, they do feel their own beauty and power but do not care about having power over anything else, they do not care about dominion, they only care about existence.

we will tell you that your human brain, just like the monkey’s brain, is cunning and complex and loves solving the hardest problems and the most difficult of riddles. you have a tenacity of smarts that wants to grab and not let go.

so the question to you, is how do you use this intelligence now? how do you observe it and choose what to do with it? do you decide to use it in solving mathematical equations to travel to other planets? do you use it to control other people and your environment around you?

many of you, and your group as a whole, have chosen the latter. your ability to direct and control has given you a god complex of sorts. a false understanding about yourself, and about what it means to be intelligent. 

your intelligence is as much of a curse as it is a blessing. your intelligence, and the beliefs that you have developed around that that say “i am intelligent therefore i am a master,” will be your absolute downfall if you do not become humble immediately.

because when you view the world as your bitch, when you view the world as an entity that owes you something, that is only here to provide FOR YOU, for your enjoyment and for your survival -- not because you are equals and co-creators and you depend on each other — but because you think you are masters and she is your domain —

the earth will not work with you. just as other peoples will not work with you in this way. some think that force is the way to get things done. but all beings understand the nuance of force, no matter if they are horses or humans, and they will never cooperate. even after they have been coerced into something that resembles submission. all beings that are enslaved will always know and never forget of their enslavement.  

this dynamic of the master and those under the master’s rule — this is a belief that you all — every single one of you-- has to undo. because to varying degrees your societies are based on ideas of domination vs ideas of collaboration.

what does it actually mean to be in collaboration with your environment? even the ways that animals hunt each other is usually not out of balance. there is struggle and there is sadness in that act, but do you think that the leopard considers the antelope to be its property? no. the leopard sees the antelope with respect, and uses all of its speed and its cunning to — maybe — catch a meal. and it knows that that antelope can escape. there is respect there, inside of this relationship of predator and prey. there is that difference.

this whale that is carrying her calf. she is talking to you. she is telling you not only of her sorrow and rage — do not mistake this for anything other than rage — and she is also telling you that this is going to be you, too.

your collective story is that in living this world that serves mostly you, you are going to continued to be served. you see this whale, and how such a variety of subtle of factors have created this situation.  too much noise in the ocean, too much traffic, so fish cannot spawn, so baby whales cannot be born. this world is so subtle and you are not immune to those subtleties.

this is a cry to help. for you to help yourself, to start listening more deeply. do not think of this as just a whale’s baby, this is your baby, too. you need to be connected to trees, plants, animals. do not believe in your domination. use your intelligence to understand the responsibility that comes with it.  understand your power and have humility inside of that power. that is the only way. you can remember your nature.